I gotta say I feel ALIVE and invigorated! I’ve been working on this project, and I am almost done!! It has inspired me, I finally feel like a complete person again, which I have been missing for some time. I feel independent, because I am doing it all on my lonesome, and creative, which is hard for me to feel without working with other people. Well no, it is not hard for me to feel creative, but I generally consider myself the type of person who doesn’t like to work alone, I love being around people. This is one of the few things I have made alone, and enjoyed making alone. It’s not the most high tech amazing thing in the world, but the fact that I made it and made it by myself makes me happier than anything, and I think it is pretty cool. Especially knowing that I did something 1,337 times so far and I am not done. 17 more seconds to finish and then I am done. I can’t wait for you guys to see it. I feel a kid again in school making art projects. I like problem solving, how do I get this to do this, and if something isn’t working you gotta figure out a way around it. This is uniting all the things I love about being creative into one mold, music that I made, with the other thing I love directing. Almost done, a few more days!!! One or two at most!! I am excited for you guys to see my project!
I have been M.I.A. from the bloggity blog world for quite some time. Also no stickam chats or anything. I just wasn’t in the mood. To be honest I was seriously down in the dumps. I sort of knew why, just professional shit, nothing on the home front. I am by nature a very upbeat person, so when I get depressed it is serious bizzness. I even got a perscription for Wellbutrin which I never started taking (I don’t like to take any medication if I don’t HAVE to). But it seemed serious enough that I should look into it, so with me questioning my life and what I was doing and where I am going it seemed like a bad time to give advice and I don’t want to be a downer, so I try and remain upbeat publically ya know when in reality I was in the poop zone.
Anyways, back to my original point. I have never considered myself an “artist”, maybe it’s because my parents were art dealers and I grew up in a world where artists were fucking dickheads and thought their shit didn’t stink and would artspeak even the lamest crap. Don’t get me wrong I consider myself creative, but never an artist. Or maybe rather an ‘artiste’. Definetly not a fine artist by any means, the only reason I end up creating any sort of fine art is a sort of means to an end, it serves a purpose and not because I just NEED to create something. I have never had that urge where I MUST draw or paint or write a song. The only urge I feel sometimes is I need to sing, and then I do, or I want to perform, but rarely get to. If anyone asked me what I was I would probably say an “entertainer”, rather that artist. Regardless, I have been feeling stifled, I guessed why but didn’t know for sure that it was due to my lack of creating. I was feeling powerless, trapped, and impotent (just a better word for powerless), it was making me uber depressed. It was effecting me in every aspect of my life. Alas, I got home from New York a few weeks ago and felt like I needed to do SOMETHING!! I had an idea of what I wanted to do and I told James my plan and he was like “WTF?! Are you crazy?! Have you ever done that before?”. To which I replied “no”. But fuck, I never let that stop me from doing anything, I am pretty gung ho once I decide on making something happen. So I started working on it and voila, I felt like a fucking person again, maybe because it’s a project that I am in complete control of, or because I am creating something, or just the act of being creative. But you know what I guess I am an artist. I guess it isn’t always a dirty word, just sometimes it gets manipulated and the people that call themselves artists are not people I want to be like. But I am creating and it feels wonderful. I can’t wait to show you all what I have been working on. It will be done in a few weeks.
I know I’m a little late for New Years, but in light of my 28th birthday coming up, I was thinking about my bad habits and what they are, all things considering for my profession my list of vices is pretty fucking tame. But I decided to make a little pictorial list of everything I have an addiction to, and of course this does not count my youth when I was a naughty naughty girl and could have added a whole bunch of other shit. This is not really in order. . . .
cigarettes, sadly I have been smoking since I was 13, not proud of it at all, i quit when I have to go on tour cuz that shit wrecks your voice, not to mention causes cancer, my mom hated smoking so I used to wear what I coined the “OJ HAT & GLOVE” and hid the smell from my hands, she had a nose like a bloodhound though and would stick her nose down my throat and be like “YOU SMOKED!!”. When I get preggers I will quit, that is a fact, but that isn’t gonna happen for awhile, so until then I will live with the jewish guilt, they should have cigarette rehab.
tv- i love me some television and movies. I was a latchkey kid growing up so this shit was my babysitter. Television is my favorite form of escapism. It is perverted in the sense that I can watch 8 hours of television and have no problem with it. Same with movies, I love long plane flights because I just watch one movie after an other and it is totally acceptable. Movies, well I went to film school, so I used to be an asshole about films and I would be like “I hate that movie why did they use that long shot!” but now it has been long enough that I can enjoy a shitting movie again, for example Malibu Bikini Shop is one of the worst best movies of all time, I highly recommend it.
french fries, specifically McDonald’s french fries! If they weren’t bad for you I would eat them 24 hours a day, fuck yes. if james ever orders fries with his shit, he knows that 75% are coming to me (California State Law of Chantal’s French Fries passed in 2008).
biting my nails, self explanatory, fuck it, but little known fact i can also bite my toe nails, gross, more like awesome!
sexytimes, now that i am married this seems less like a vice and more like a hobby, it is actually considered healthy when you are in a committed monogamous relationship, where as the way I would do it before, was hmmmm, not as good, well it was fun, but not healthy.
INTERNETZ!!! Everything from my first APPLE IIE with the start up disk to my lovely macbookpro. I am a child of the internet. I still have my same AOL screen name since I was in 5th grade, I can not bring myself to change it, i get phantom limb syndrome when I don’t have access to the internet for awhile, and I start thinking I am buzzing and getting emails and what not. Oddly I don’t even do anything very interesting on the internet, I just fart around on the same 6 websites, sort of ridiculous.
Popping Pimples- I don’t get too many of them, which is half awesome and sort of a bummer, so whoever is around me suffers the wrath. Doesn’t help when you don’t have nails though.
ummmm yes sushi
bingo! i don’t get to do it as often as I like, but when I get on a roll, it is fucking great, i love me some bingo, it is not as much FUN as it is intense and exhilarating, I hate
gambling for the most part but this for some reason feels okay to me. It feels interactive, man now I really want to go play some bingo.
and last but not least. . . .
disneyland! i love it! on a weekday when kids are in school it is magnificent, it is better than when I was a kid. We can do the park in like 3 and a half hours. I always get excited.
Ok, all things considering I think that is a pretty decent list of vices, decent as in, not too bad.
So this week has been lovely and magical, it pretty much jump started my moral which was suffering in the end of 2009. Monday was James and my 2 year anniversary. Marrying James is the best thing I have ever done in my life and celebrating the day we went through with it is almost as good as my birthday (only cuz I get more presents, and I am a fool for prezzies). Year TWO is the year of cotton, which is pretty awesome, so we both got each other cotton goods up the wazzu, lets just say fairy lights, flowers, and our names on cotton things made for the sweetest gifts. Anyways, we woke up on Monday planning on going to Disneyland, we saw there was a torrential downpour, so that put a little dink in our plan, and then we realized it was a national holiday (big up MLK), so we realized our annual passes would be blacked out and kids would be out from school, making it double shitty. BUT FUCK IT. . . .we decided to go anyways.
Driving there was an adventure in itself, we saw four cars turned over and couldn’t see 20 feet in front of us, we were bundled in our NY winter coats. We got to the window to repurchase our annual passes and the lady informed us that any day we buy our annual passes on we get in for free.. . .HURRAH! Then I told her it was our anniversary and she gave us pins to wear
As soon as we got in the park the sun came out, it was lovely, and since they were closing early it was super empty, here is us on California Screamin’
As we would walk through the park the people that worked there would say “HAPPY ANNIVERSARY” so sincerely, it was lovely, it is the type of holiday you want to spend alone but have people acknowledge so it was absolutely perfect.
The next day our good friends Lara & Nayib invited us to Pee Wee Herman LIVE at Club NOKIA. I am a GINORMOUS PEE WEE Herman fan. I have had the biggest crush on him since I was little, and I credit my attraction to James partially to Pee Wee. A goofy skinny motherfucker. Seeing Pee Wee was completely surreal for me, it was like seeing a someone from your family you haven’t seen in years and remembering everything about them. I had a shit eating grin on my face the whole entire time. At the end of the show he stood on stage and threw out his “ABSTINENCE RING”!! Guess who caught it!! I DID! Seriously now I know how people feel at rock concerts catching pics of their favorite bands, it made my life, here is me wearing my new ring,
which I am considering making my new wedding ring, no offense to James, but PEE WEE TRUMPS ALL. Just kidding!!
After the show he did a question and answer session with people that originally had tickets when it was at another venue. I got the nerve to raise my hand and not so much ask a question but tell him what a huge crush I had on him, here is the video
SO that sort of made my millenium.
The next night we went back again and were lucky enough to go to the afterparty which was a hullabaloo of crazy ass celebrities, sort of weird. The only person I knew personally was David Hasslehoff because we were on Leno together and I made him pogo up and down when we performed. The bright spot of the party was getting our big with mutherfuckin’ mekka lekka hi mekka heini ho JAMBBBBIIIIII
It was all pretty much a dream come true, all my friends know that musicians don’t really impress me, unless we are talkin like Dolly Parton and shit like that, but comedians are the thing that make me totally 100% starstruck.
Speaking of which tonight I will be a MONOLOGIST (meaning I will be telling hopefully interesting stories) for their show ASSSSCAT at the Upright Citizen’s Brigade Theatre in Los Angeles at 7:30 PM, it is FREE. So if you are in the hood stop on by.
It was a lovely week filled with adult & childhood dreams come true. Hopefully next week is just as interesting!
Back when I was a productive person I made this short film in film school, it was my second short, the first one I never finished editing, I am gonna dig out the rough footage and edit that shit. We went up to SF for a few days and saw my dad and he was saying I had to put this up, he loves it, so here ya go. . .
Oh yeah, see if you can spot Carlos D from Interpol. Ha. . .
french fries, specifically McDonald’s french fries! If they weren’t bad for you I would eat them 24 hours a day, fuck yes. if james ever orders fries with his shit, he knows that 75% are coming to me (California State Law of Chantal’s French Fries passed in 2008).
ummmm yes sushi
